Things you don’t normally say, but would want to.

Sometimes I get really tired pretending that all of this matters. I’m tired being nice. Being responsible. Being so god damn in control. I just want to one day not show up at work because I don’t care anymore. Fire me, I don’t care. I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about the papers. I don’t care about being in this god damn country. I’m so tired worrying about the future. These long-term plans people are always asking about. Fuck you all, I’m done with this shit — feeling shit. I don’t care anymore. I want to do something out of character. I want to leave without notice and live a life where I’d eat breakfast food everyday all day away from everyone who knows me. I’m so tired being there for people. I’m so tired pretending that I care about people’s problems, people’s losses, people’s woes and fears. I’m done with all of your shit. Fuck all of these possessions. I don’t need all of these material things. Just give me a big black plastic bag and I’d fill it with everything I own and throw it away. I have so much stuff. So much clutter that takes up so much space. I don’t need all of this. I don’t need all of you. I didn’t care to live this long to be this dissatisfied. I am so tired being responsible. I am so tired living by the rules. I want to be mad. I want to shout at people who piss me off. I want to tell people off when they’re god damn annoying. I want to live without filter. I want to say what I want, I don’t care if I offend anybody. I want to lose control. Because I’m fucking tired. I am so tired worrying about life. This life that has sucked all the energy out of me. I have no more motivation. I have no purpose. I’m just done. I am done and I don’t want to live this goddamn shit show of a life whose audience I’m impressing I don’t even care about. I am done.

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