It can’t be love.

It can’t be love

How can it be?

I never knew you

You never knew me.

But every time I pray,

I tell Him to keep you safe

And every time my heart desires,

The light reflects your face.

Tell me, what are these feelings?

Like dust on wall corners

Multiplies as it settles.

These imaginary strings that pull you to me

Figments of you in my imagination

Cause my head and heart in friction.

It is unjust,

It is unfair,

The one-sidedness of this whole affair.

It can’t be love

How can it be?

But why all these feelings?

Tell me, it’s not just me…

 

Smother

I’d like to believe that I wasn’t made to live for frustrating days like these. But what is life without hopelessness, anxiety, stress, failure, evil?

I love Daughter for hugging my heart that needs rescuing. I’m just pretty tired today. Tired of life and all the shit it came with. I wish I get amnesia in my dreams and wake up remembering nothing from this night. It’s that bad.

Project G.Y.L.T

I have had enough. I have had enough of relatives visiting the house, telling me how big of a couch potato I already am. I have had enough with my mom and dad talk in front of me of how much I’ve horizontally grown in a month and how I am growing still. Clearly, I have had enough passivity for a summer that has just begun.

With that, I am beginning Project Get Your Life Together a.k.a Project G.Y.L.T tomorrow. It’s my supreme attempt to, obviously, getting my life together. It focuses on physical health (jogging+cardio routines), cooking abilities (must go beyond sandwiches, anything fried and instant ramen), mental/emotional stability (self-esteem and self-confidence check, must get over wallowing in self-doubt!), and time management (to me is the biggest challenge because I love stalling, stopping and staring, and procrastinating). I will be monitoring my hopeful progress in a month by writing in my journal everyday. I really think I can do this.

OK, enough talk. It’s time for real business. Who wants to join me? Project G.Y.L.T, let’s get it on!

Trees

This is the first thing I see the moment I wake up. Not a view of a New York skyline. Not mountaintops or a magnificent sunrise. Not even some clouds and birds, like in usual drawings of most kids in kindergarten visualizing a beautiful day. Just trees. Nothing-special-about-them trees. But trees that somehow breathe life to me and give me peace. Trees that fill me with wonder.

It amazes me how something so ordinary surprises you with its presence and suddenly becomes one of your favorite things in the world. I never knew I’d find joy looking at trees. And everyday I feel as if these trees try to speak and tell me something, these trees that fill me with wonder.

Last party of the summer

I can finally attest to it. London must throw one of the world’s best parties.

 

Moments

I wish it’s possible to replay beautiful moments in life. I miss a lot of things, a lot of people, a lot of places, a lot of moments…

Help on Musicals!

Because I’m here in London, I can’t possibly miss the chance to watch an amazing musical. But then, I’m so torn because there are a lot on the list and I just need to pick one. Help me, please! : )

 

A: Singing in the Rain

B: Les Miserables

C: Wicked

D: Phantom of the Opera

Would the experts and fanatics please stand up? ; )

Peace

I remember one of the most unforgettable sermons I heard in mass. The priest said, “Heaven is not a where, it is a when.” It is not a place to be in, but a moment in time.

Then I think I may have a little piece of heaven.

April 06, 2013

East Side Gallery

Berlin, Germany

Null

Back to zero. Back to starting point. Back to searching for another ultimate goal. I took a vacation to Europe knowing that it would be an escape from the reality of a future that I have to figure out soon. I would love to move on in my life, but I am still enjoying my winter.

April 03, 2013

Photo taken near the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe

Berlin, Germany

Glistening

When everything gets a little confusing and the future becomes a little bit more unknown, I bask in the light of the day and know that wherever I am at the moment is where I want to be. That should be good for now.

April 07, 2013

Sanssouci Palace, Potsdam, Germany