Things you don’t normally say, but would want to.

Sometimes I get really tired pretending that all of this matters. I’m tired being nice. Being responsible. Being so god damn in control. I just want to one day not show up at work because I don’t care anymore. Fire me, I don’t care. I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about the papers. I don’t care about being in this god damn country. I’m so tired worrying about the future. These long-term plans people are always asking about. Fuck you all, I’m done with this shit — feeling shit. I don’t care anymore. I want to do something out of character. I want to leave without notice and live a life where I’d eat breakfast food everyday all day away from everyone who knows me. I’m so tired being there for people. I’m so tired pretending that I care about people’s problems, people’s losses, people’s woes and fears. I’m done with all of your shit. Fuck all of these possessions. I don’t need all of these material things. Just give me a big black plastic bag and I’d fill it with everything I own and throw it away. I have so much stuff. So much clutter that takes up so much space. I don’t need all of this. I don’t need all of you. I didn’t care to live this long to be this dissatisfied. I am so tired being responsible. I am so tired living by the rules. I want to be mad. I want to shout at people who piss me off. I want to tell people off when they’re god damn annoying. I want to live without filter. I want to say what I want, I don’t care if I offend anybody. I want to lose control. Because I’m fucking tired. I am so tired worrying about life. This life that has sucked all the energy out of me. I have no more motivation. I have no purpose. I’m just done. I am done and I don’t want to live this goddamn shit show of a life whose audience I’m impressing I don’t even care about. I am done.

Snooze

7:15
Wakey wakey! Today is a beautiful day.
7:30
Take over the world!
7:45
A new day, new hope, new motivation!
8:00
Ready for the open door!
8:15
Get up & shake ye tailfeather!
8:30
C’mon get your ass up. Get up!! Get up!! Get up!!
8:45
MUST. WAKE. UP.
9:00
Your body is telling you no, but YOUR MIND IS TELLING YOU YES.
9:15
There’s still hope.
9:30
You have no choice!!
9:45
Really?? Ugh what the hell

Regular Day

She did her laundry that day. It was a Tuesday night and there were less than ten people in the laundromat. While she watched the machine whir, her clothes going round and round inside, she heard her stomach made its own whir. She hasn’t had proper lunch that day because of all the demanding tasks and demanding people that wanted her attention, including the impending doom of what might be the results of her CAT scan on Saturday. Her mom left her a voicemail of worry, asking her to call back and discuss what the doctor said. For days, she has nursed a craving for a ramen in a cup. That was what she slurped in the tiny window of her lunch break around 2 o’ clock. The soup was a good blazing hot, much needed for the cold outside and the cold brewing her insides.

While waiting for her clothes to finish in the washer, she crossed the street to the supermarket. She was lured by every counter, every aisle, everything junk and not. She grabbed a basket and threw in a jar of peaches, a bottle of honey-roasted peanuts, a bag of imported pork cracklings, Oscar Meyer hotdogs, and the essential milk and eggs. Even the dollar-bag gummy worms beside the cashier counter did not escape her sight. She put it all in the basket and paid $30 for that impulsive trip. People say don’t go grocery-shopping with an empty stomach, but she probably knows that already. She was in her own hungry world to give a crap.

She threw all her dry and clean clothes in the Bed, Bath, & Beyond plastic bag, which she turned into her official laundry bag. She put three weeks worth of clean clothes in her trolley and pulled it onto the sidewalk. Pulling the rack of clothes on one hand and carrying the bag of groceries on the other, she walked an uphill battle back home with the cold winter wind blowing in her face. Inside her head, she was hoping the eggs wouldn’t drop and break. Those were organic cage-free eggs and it would have been a sad waste.

All she could think of was what she would eat first when she reached home. She took a handful of peanuts and started munching away. Mrs. Norma called her for dinner. They were having steamed shrimp. She wasted no time, took a bowl of rice, and grabbed a handful from the bowl of shrimp. She went for a second serving of steamed rice. She wasted no shrimp parts. How hungry could she be?

After dinner, she decided to finish off with peaches for dessert, made green tea and poured milk on it. She was still in the mood to eat some more, so she opened the bag of gummy worms. Something was messing with her appetite tonight.

She was all kinds of a mess the whole day. Feeling happy one minute and sad the next. Feeling excited one minute, depressed the next. She was hungry and tired and nothing could have shaken all of those weird feelings. That was what a regular day in her week looked like, a day that has become a regular part of her life and it was inescapable.

Life in Progress

Let me begin by saying that I finally got a break in life. For a long time, I have hoped for a job opportunity that would make my college degree useful at least. And in God’s perfect time, it has come.

I got a new job in the school as an Admissions Counselor and I get to have my own cubicle and own business card (Please!!) It is a step up from my job as a cashier in a restaurant. And I just want to share how proud I am that I started from the bottom. When I came here in the US, I was so entitled. As a recent graduate of an exceptional university in my country, I couldn’t fathom the idea that the first job I would have was as cashier/waitress. I kept on thinking, “I didn’t graduate college for this! What was my college degree for?” But you know what I had to realize? That I am not entitled to anything. I don’t deserve anything but a chance to prove myself. No job is beneath me because I am only a beginner in the real world. Actually, I felt happy that someone gave me a chance to work. I was humbled by the experience and I was propelled by my new motto which was to ‘Be the best in whatever you do’ (LESSON NO. 1!). If you think you are better than you think you are, then prove it. If you think you deserve more than what you are given, then prove it by being the best person who can do the job. I swept floors, I cleaned tables, I brought people extra glasses of diet soda, I packed people’s lunches, I settled credit card machines. I came to work when I was asked — Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I worked hard, I worked good, and I earned everybody’s respect. It felt good and only after that did I feel I deserved something. (*sings STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE HERE!!)

~

When I was informed I’d be getting this job that I have right now, it came as a shock. There was no preamble, just an e-mail from my boss telling me to come to her office in the morning to discuss the position that she was offering me and that if I accept it I start that next Monday. After reading her message, I think I stared in space for a few minutes. Tulaley lang! Nganga! I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. Just to let you in on my feelings days before that night, I was in total surrender to my fate. I just had a letdown from the other job I applied for and so I spoke to God, “You know what, I give up. I’m done forcing my control over things. I’m not stressing myself out over something which I will never know when I will have. So fine, I give up everything to you. I will live in the present and let you unravel everything to me.” Fast forward to THAT night, He left me dumbfounded. He saved me once again. So LESSON NO. 2, believe and trust in the Higher Power. He will surprise you!

And one more thing, I know it’s so cliche but it still needs to be reiterated because of its truth, live and enjoy the present and let the future worry about itself (LESSON NO. 3). The future is just an idea. What’s real is HERE AND NOW!

~

I couldn’t be more independent and adult as of right this moment. Because of my new job, I needed to move from Maryland (Washington Metro Area) to Jersey City. For those of you who aren’t familiar with US Geography, the distance takes me about 5 hours via Greyhound bus and 2 extra hours for my metro trips. Yes, I finally moved out of my parents’ house! Technically, I’m still renting a room in a family’s house, but I pay my rent, I do my own laundry, and I buy my own food (And I pay for my transportation! God, my trips back home cost me a fortune). WHAT IS MORE REAL ADULT THAN THIS, PLEASE?! Okay, so I told my parents that I will buy my own furniture when I can afford it, but my dad insisted that as a gift, he will buy me my first bed, dresser, and mirror. I picked it, but he paid for it. (Thanks, dad!) It came last night and I had such a good sleep, it took me three hits on the snooze button before I got up.

Well anyway, aside from my new furniture, I have been self-sufficient in all other aspects of my life for the past year. I can’t remember the last time I asked my parents for money and it’s so fulfilling to provide for myself and live on my own means. Budgeting is a nightmare, though. And that is still something I have to master. (CUE: TREAT IMPULSIVE BUYING AND ONLINE SHOPPING SICKNESS)

~

So far, things are great! I am adjusting well to my new job and my reclaimed independence. I have gained new family and friends. I am also gaining a routine. All I’m missing is a love life (Ang harot!!!) But I am truly excited to learn new lessons with this new adventure in my life. Life is sweet, as of the moment. 🙂

Tomorrow at nine a.m.?

Oh man, I feel nervous writing again. I was so scared I lost the groove because I have been struggling finding the energy or the inspiration to write, especially these past months. For a long time I couldn’t find the right words or the courage to let all my issues out. Now that I finally overcame the curse of the blank page, let me begin by telling you about my work.

Around April this year, I ended my unpaid internship at the Embassy and started working as a full-time waitress at a restaurant. Some of you may be wondering, “You have a college degree, right? Why work as a waitress? Couldn’t you find a better job?” For all of you concerned, it is quite complicated. Everything about my life became much more complicated since I moved here in the States. I don’t want to give you a headache with immigration terms and conditions, so let’s leave it at ‘It’s complicated’.

Being a waitress/cashier/hostess at a restaurant was a brand new experience to me. It has never occurred to me that I’d get paid serving someone their lunch or dinner. To be totally honest, I was too proud to do the job at first. But after a week of learning how to carry three or more plates at a time and learning what ikura, tamago, and masago is (I work at a Japanese-Chinese-Thai restaurant), I am thankful at how this job has humbled me and put me in my place. I have begun to appreciate the worth of every hard-earned dollar. The experience definitely honed my focus and multi-tasking skills. But most of all, it has improved my confidence in talking to people and engaging them in conversation. Although, unfairly good-looking customers still faze me a bit, the fact that I can ask them how their day went without hyperventilating is a good improvement to my esteem. Gee, thanks to this job. Other than that, other perks to my job include being surrounded by good food all the time (and getting 30% employee discount on all entrees!) and getting to meet the fun co-workers that I have.

BUT! Despite the fast cash and free sushi buffets, there are still a number of reasons why this job sucks. I hate that full-time work to my boss means working six days a week, from 10am to 10pm. My boss doesn’t want to hire a lot of people so I’m covering a lot of shifts at the moment. This arrangement is the reason why I have zero social life. Anyone working in the restaurant industry knows that Friday and Saturday are the busiest, so that’s off the negotiation table for day-offs.

Another thing I despise is how monotonous a day can get. Rush hour is only five hours tops in a day where I work, so the rest of them is basically free time. Sometimes I just really wish I was doing something creative. It’s hard not to feel like I’m wasting my time and my life when there is no business at all. All the idle time only creates space for unnecessary thoughts and worries.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really blue and anxious about my current situation and my future. Feelings like, “I never wanted to be in this situation in the first place” or “I didn’t graduate college for this” would come to the surface and it’s taking too much space in my head it’s becoming harder to ignore. I know that I wish I was doing something else, but the problem is not knowing what that something else is. I wouldn’t know where to go or what to do if one day I decide to quit. Several times I imagine myself running far far away, away from all this ennui, and off to discover my life’s passion. Like that’s so easy to do when you’re broke!

It’s such a struggle, isn’t it? To feel so stuck and clueless. To feel lost and to not know where to look to be freed and be found. I owe myself at least the resolve to figure the next stone on the path, but right now all I can offer myself is a shrug.

~

I have been captured by this riveting thought David Sedaris has implanted in my mind. In one of his essays in his book Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls, a Mrs. Dunston said,

“Me, I have a son at the college, so that’s what I’m doing, just checking in. He’s my second boy, actually. The first one went here too. He’s not working in his field yet, but with unemployment as high as it is. he’s lucky to have anything at all. If I’ve told him that once, I’ve told him a hundred times, but of course, being young, he’s impatient, which is natural. Wants to set the world on fire, and if it can’t happen by tomorrow at nine a.m., then life’s just unfair and hardly worth living…”

That is the plain truth — for me and for the rest of my kind of this generation. We are growing more and more impatient with our lives that when we don’t achieve our desired success RIGHT NOW, we get really frustrated that we start blaming the universe for being so unfair to us. We forget that apart from wanting our success, we should DESERVE it to have it. And we wouldn’t deserve it if we don’t work hard at something.

On the positive side, I think now is the perfect time to be lost, to wander, and to try everything until you find the One thing you want to do for the rest of your life. We just get frustrated because we are all in a rush to our supposedly happy destination, but we can’t really find that overnight, can we? I agree to working hard and collecting all the experiences that I can so when the right time to strike comes, I will be prepared to set the world on fire. Who knows, maybe tomorrow at nine a.m.?

I’m not a robot.

Because if I am, then why am I so exhausted?

I’m back to working again! Twelve hours a day I work, and for eight days straight this past week that I thought my soul slowly disintegrated into space. I never imagined I’d be forced to work this hard, but yes, life has thrown my family some big, sour, bitter lemons lately. I’m the only one wearing the shield, so I had to step up and shoulder some responsibility, like pay our Comcast bill to keep the sanity of everybody. If there is one thing this family is not ashamed of, it’s that we are slaves of the television. This house just won’t function without cable. Or DVR. Or On Demand. Or TFC/Pinoy TV.

I honestly felt, from working so hard, that I have sold my soul to dollar $ign$. I remember how I use to hear adults complain about losing their marbles because of work. I think I am beginning to slowly understand what they mean. You come home from work so tired that you don’t even have time to process feelings anymore. You crash in the couch and next minute you’re fast asleep. Then it’s already morning and you have to go to work again. Like work has taken control of your body and you lose count of the days because your life has become one looooooong tiring day. And you’ll find yourself asking, “Where I am in all of this?

That’s why what happened today was an affirmation that I’m still human. I got my heart broken today because of something that I hoped for and that I didn’t get. How many times will I get my hopes up and end up heart broken? Really, how much more disappointment can I take? So I cried. I cried of frustration. I cried because I was so exhausted from hoping. I cried because bad things continue to happen and it’s not even my doing. I cried because for a moment life sucked.

But after a while I was laughing again, like a girl gone cuckoo. I laughed at how much the universe tries so hard to make me feel bad. I laughed at how gullible I am to life. It throws me an opportunity and I’d get my hopes up instantaneously. Then I’d lose and fail. That is real funny shit.

But honestly, I found myself laughing because I realized how much of a good thing it is that I still feel something. That I’m not a robot. And I’m still here.

Under these dark eyebags and calloused feet, I’m here.

A Year Older, A Year Wiser

10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in The Year that Passed


first post picThis day last year, I was in Berlin feasting on a happy Easter Sunday lunch with my foster family. It was the first day of my study tour in Europe and my first of the innumerable days of separation from my home country. That day was a cloud of dreams turned into reality, so I was feeling exuberant and just ecstatic.

Today, on the other hand, is a good-weathered Monday and you can find me at home, typing away and sitting pretty on the living room couch. In ten minutes, I have to sort another batch of dirty laundry and transfer the washed clothes to the dryer. After that, I will deal with everybody’s soiled dishes from breakfast. Later tonight, I will sit down to finish George Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire. That is, after I do late night yoga and finish Jimmy Fallon’s late night show. You can say that my life right now is relaxed and steady.

It’s crazy how life panned out in such a short period of time. A year ago, I had this over-the-moon enthusiasm for adventure and today I am swimming in calm and finding routine. Today is another day of work in progress to achieve balance and stability. It amazes me how one year can change someone’s attitude towards life completely. I’d like to believe that a year older has also made me a year wiser. In that note, I’d like to share some of the lessons I’ve accumulated from the dark and dreary, sunny (more like icy) and shiny past twelve months of my life. I hope this encourages you to come up with your own list of life lessons and be surprised at how much you’ve grown in a year.

1. There is freedom and extra boost of confidence in turning twenty-one.

Mandatory birthday selfie
Mandatory birthday selfie. I used my freedom belting out Kelly Clarkson songs with wild abandon at Muzette karaoke bar in Adams Morgan, DC.

Does it make sense that after turning 21 two weeks ago I feel more powerful? It really feels good to break free from the limbo that is age twenty. I seem to be more energized to wander outside, like I gained a certain kind of confidence to try and experience new things. In the eyes of the law in every part of the world, I am now an adult accountable for my own self. I find that really exciting, because I like the idea of being responsible for my choices and decisions. I am utterly thrilled of the adventure that can spring from this freedom and responsibility. New goals, I’m ready for you!

2. Brace yourself for winter.

When I said brace for winter, I meant go play in the snow. ( The fam went snowtubing one weekend in Poconos!)
When I said brace for winter, I meant go play in the snow. 😉 The fam went snowtubing one weekend in Poconos!

Having had lived most of my life in a tropical country, it was a serious undertaking to live and survive winter season. Believe the Starks, they weren’t crazy to warn everybody that “Winter is coming”. Yes, the first snowfall made me feel giddy, but fast forward to four months after and the weather still reaches freezing point? I’m pretty pissed. I had to commute everyday to my internship and the intensely cold weather was a major hassle. Train delays that would leave you 10-20 minutes out in negative Celsius is just one way to freeze your ass off. And it’s not just the heavy four layers of clothing or the wind chills that is taxing, but it’s this dark and depressing mood that winter creates. The cold never bothered you anyway, you say? That is complete bull*! Real cold will bother anybody.

3. Travel and yearn for cultural experiences.

inlovesicha conquers the world
inlovesicha conquers the world

I’m very fortunate to have had an opportunity to travel to different countries and see places I once only dreamed of at a young age. I wish this kind of luck occurs to everybody. My trip to European countries like Germany, Austria, Italy, the UK and different parts of America really opened my eyes to the beauty and challenges of the world and history. Being exposed to culture has really enriched my soul and gave me depth as a person. People should really save up and plan for travel. We should also encourage each other to allot time to visiting museums, art galleries, attending a variety of concerts or poetry readings. It’s my goal to get to know more strange places, hear more stories from interesting people, and enjoy diversity these coming years.

4. When you make a life-changing move, give yourself time to adjust and settle down.

rhythmAny radical change that disrupts the normal of your life is difficult (i.e moving to a new city, changing jobs, dealing with loss), so give yourself time to find your rhythm. It’s a process to accept change, get into a new routine, and see the pleasant in the unfamiliar. When your strategy doesn’t work, regroup and change perspectives. I remember when I moved to the US almost a year ago, I felt so out of place the first few months. I felt like I will never belong. I was so sure I won’t find new friends, moreso to love this strange land. But, look! I got myself new awesome friends and I have adjusted to a new lifestyle. I even pass as a local now. There have been a lot of times in DC when strangers approach me and ask where the closest CVS or Whole Foods is. I think it’s pretty awesome that I look like someone who frequent Whole Foods. haha! One year in, maybe I am a local!

5. Having a healthy body and soul pays.

I attempted to make a green smoothie once. For someone who isn't a fan of veggies, I enjoyed it. But I keep my eyes close when I take a sip. :p
I attempted to make a green smoothie once. For someone who isn’t a fan of veggies, I enjoyed it. But I kept my eyes closed when I take a sip. :p

Being healthy isn’t really about forcing to be a size 0 or size 2. It’s about hugging your figure, but also aiming to be strong and lean. A month ago, I started doing yoga (with Adriene of YouTube!) and strength training (thanks, Fitnessblender). I proved that late night yoga improves sleep by a tenfold because ever since I started doing yoga before bed, I sleep deeper and fuller. Waking up feels better than ever. I also thank my family for being conscious eaters, because they have encouraged me to eat more fruits and veggies and less processed food. We discovered the benefits of brown rice and coconut water and we were convinced.

Staying creative also helps me have a positive outlook in life. I have these little projects like the monthly newsletter I make for my friends and the style book I made out of fashion/travel magazine cut-outs. Find an activity that makes you feel good and do it when you can. Your happiness will radiate to the outside and looking good will come as an incentive. A healthy life is a happy life!

6. Find comfort in solitude.

solitudeA lot of people confuse solitude with loneliness when they are really two different things. Psychologists explain that loneliness is a negative state inflicted by others. Lonely people feel isolated because they sense something is missing in their lives. Solitude, on the other hand, means to be alone without being lonely. This is a condition you choose. I have appreciated solitude especially in times where I find the noise from the outside world affecting me in a harsh way. It’s my way of recharging from the exhaustion brought by life in this universe.

7. You will meet people who will make you realize that you deserve as much love, kindness, and generosity as anybody.

inlovesicha awesome friends

Believe it or not, you will meet people who will genuinely care for you and want the best for you. They will make you feel special, lend you an ear and a hand, help you believe in yourself and all of these not just because they are kind people but because they believe you deserve it. I am so grateful to have found friends and life mentors in both my best and darkest moments. To have people believe in you is such a great feeling. It only makes you realize that if they can, you can too. And you should.

8. Never neglect family.

inlovesicha family

Another thing that I am extremely thankful for is my family — my mom, dad, and two brothers who I also consider my best friends. I love that we always do fun things as a family (i.e. trying different kinds of food and learning how to cook, weekend movie nights, going on road trips, bickering over who’s in charge of the household chores, etc). It’s really important that I appreciate the good relationship I have with them and that we can talk about our interests, issues, and differences. We may have huge quarrels and sometimes hate seeing each other’s faces, but at the end of the day, tempers and tensions die down and we’d go back to what’s normal. I guess the beauty of family is that you’d always be pulling each other up and you’d be there for each other no matter what.

9. Rejection hurts… especially when you had great expectations.

anthems of angstThere are some things in life you’d believe are meant for you, but would turn to be not. Opportunities will come and you would get your hopes up. You’d imagine winning… but you won’t and it will break your heart.

Last month, I got rejected for two jobs. I was qualified for both, aced the interviews, and faced just one opponent for the two. I really thought I would be chosen for either one given the circumstances. But then, I got chosen for none. Of course, I was absolutely devastated. Day and night, I wondered about the reasons why they didn’t want me more than the other person. I have waited for more than seven months for an opportunity like it and I can’t believe I wasn’t enough for any of it. It hurt so bad. But of course, nothing could be done. Unfortunate things happen and I just can’t let myself be pulled down by this kind of failure. I allowed myself to wallow in sadness for about a day or two when I got myself soothed by Soundgarden and Nirvana. Then I picked myself up and never wanted to look back.

10. Whatever the future holds, you will be okay.

futureIn moments of despair and hopelessness, the strength of the human person prevails. Whether you trust in a God or a greater power or just yourself, find something to believe in and hold on to it. The key is to keep yourself together and be resilient. Despite all the rejection and insecurities, I’m still standing because I believe in myself and in God that gives me strength. Life will shoot you down, but you will stand up and move on. Do what you can to carry on with life and take more chances. Stand firm, stand tall, and let your failures build up your courage to win some other time.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I will be okay. : )

Home is everywhere. Part II

Day 28: Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be?

Home is everywhere, where your heart is and has been. Home can be a place, a thing, or a person. What makes something, someplace, or someone home is love, comfort, and connection.

For a place, I believe that everywhere I’ve been to that I loved and treasured, particularly Olongapo City, Manila, New York, Berlin, London, and DC, have a portion of my heart allotted only for them and that’s what make those places home. For a thing, like a book or a journal that will always have me in a moment of happiness, loneliness, pain or struggle, they are home for I am forever connected to them through a memories and a string of emotions. And for a person, home is someone who sees me in my true colors and across layers and chooses to love me nevertheless.

Home is really where the heart is. And when your heart lies in many different places in the world, disguised in different things, found in different people, then home is everywhere.

(From the Amateur Philosopher’s 42-Day Challenge)

Free Yourself

You ask yourself what the problem is until one day you realize what it is. You are enslaved by your past and your high hopes and dreams that you ignore the present. You ignore what’s in front of you. You focus too much on cross-your-fingers possibilities and you neglect the reality of today. So, free yourself.

Free yourself from your high hopes and dreams for the moment and put your head above the water. It’s not a form of surrender. You’re not giving up. You just have to face the truth that in order for you to achieve something, you have to step down from the clouds. You have to work with the present, work with what you have.

Free yourself from your past, from your mistakes, from your old good life that’s holding you back. Get over it or lose yourself to it and be crippled forever. The past, no matter how good or bad, should remain a distant memory. You know why you can’t move on. It’s because that chapter of your life is still open and you reread them every single day. You have to stop, because it’s unhealthy. Pay attention to the current episode of your life. Live now.

Lastly, free yourself from your expectations of yourself. Take it easy, will you? Take a breather and give yourself some lovin’. After all, you are still alive, resisting, and taking a chance. Give yourself a break. You have had enough of everyone trying to tell you what to do, of everyone acting like they know what’s best for you, that you don’t want to kill yourself with the pressure you inflict on yourself. You don’t have to act like everyday is a beauty pageant where you have to be all smiles and on your best all the time. Truth is, a lot of times, it sucks so it’s okay to be really mad and pissed. It’s okay to be ugly. It’s okay to eat whatever you want. Dance in your undies and jump around, because today you are free and you accept yourself in whatever form and mindset you are in. You are done being a slave of the universe, of things you can’t control. Today is time for you to be free. So free yourself.

The Unappreciated Things List

I came up with a list of things that I love that I want other people to love too…

  1. a person: Angela Merkel

I don’t know why a lot of people aren’t as amazed as I am when it comes to her passion to save the EU. All Europeans/non-Europeans do is criticize her for her management skills. I just think that people don’t give her much credit. Imagine the stress and pressure that comes with trying to save a bloc of 28 powerful countries and their good relationship with the rest of the 170+ nations. I wonder if she still sleeps at night.

I just hope she gets a wonderful retirement. Right now, it will make me happy if I get a chance to see her in person. I’d give her a really big hug and call her Mutti!!!

2. a face: Jimmy Theodoropoulus

Guess who’s in my wallpaper??? Yep! This fine young Greek specimen. I want to thank my friend, Matt, for sharing to me strangeforeignbeauty.com.

3. A song: Gypsy by Lady GaGa

This is my favorite track in her Artpop album. A special tug at my heartstrings.

4. An artist: LIGHTS (especially in her Siberia acoustic album)

LOOK STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES AND TELL ME YOU DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHING. That voice was sent from the heavens.

5. A movie: People Like Us

Starring Chris Pine and Elizabeth Banks. I really thought it would be cheesy or too undramatic for a drama, but it wasn’t and it delivered. I really liked it.

6. A TV series: Shameless (US)

Yes, it must be the most raw and immoral thing I’ve seen on TV but it’s hard not to empathize and love the shit that goes on in the characters’ lives. It’s so smart and shamelessly funny and I love that I am always surprised on what is going to happen next. The stars are so realistic in their portrayal, especially the Gallagher kids! Kudos to William H. Macy for being an effective worst dad in the world. He is so hate-able in the show that I want to watch more because I want to hate him more.

7. A book: Attachments by Rainbow Rowell

I can’t even begin how witty and intelligent the characters of this book are. When I was reading it, I can’t help but feel “Why haven’t I thought about this? This is funny! Why can’t I be you, Rainbow Rowell???” You really have to read it to know.